you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
