He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
