Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
