New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
