Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
