So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
