you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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