i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
