ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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