Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
