it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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