Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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