I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
