Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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