His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
