I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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