I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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