the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
