I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
