ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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