My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
