I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
