Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
