I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
