Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
