Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
