I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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