she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
