I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
