When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
