Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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