Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
