are you so shy because you have an std?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
