Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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