I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
