Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
