i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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