How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
