there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
