we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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