I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
