I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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