It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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