i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
