i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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