I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
