Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
