My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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