I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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