Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
