the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Randomize
