3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
